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Are you one of the 70% of men suffering from male pattern baldness (MPB)? Like it or not you’re likely to go bald sooner than later. Do you want to slow down the process? You could rub goose droppings on the bald areas like the Vikings did – or alternately mix up a paste of honey, beer, mustard oil and boiled wheat and have it rubbed gently into your scalp twice daily by the hand of a virgin. Cow dung and pig pee are apparently also good topical solutions.

However – we rather prefer the idea of using Renokin’s Hair Revitalising Program – a clinically proven formula that promotes hair growth and prevents loss. It also looks a lot better on your bathroom shelf than a canister of pig-pee!